Honk if you love…uh…

Today on the freeway, there was a huge car wreck right in the center lanes.  I don't think I need to elaborate on the details, but there was a lot of traffic. Lots of cars were flooding together and trying not to hit each other. Honking was obviously a key role in this (oh joy). But then, as I was sitting there trying attempting to keep my thoughts christian, I had vision. What if all cars really had horns? Not the ones that go "beep beep", "murp murp", or "toot toot" (ew), but real horns like cows and buffalo. Seriously it would be awesome. REALLY HUGE HORNS. Not those wimpy ones that say, "I'm from Texas." Those are just…no.  But this:

THIS is what it's about!














Just hope that your car doesn't look like this cuz…the rhino one would win. Just say'n.

Barfy

I have yet to blog about dogs yet they take up a lot of my time. However, to spare you all from my dog-nerdyness, I shall only blog about my dog.

THIS is Zorro.

He is epic. 

Today he climbed onto our island in the kitchen and ate three muffins, a bunch of brownies, and drank some raspberry tea out of a cup that is now broken. For his 17 pound 12inch tall body this is quite a feat of strength. I gave him some hydrogen peroxide so he threw it up. He will probably do it again the next chance he gets. 

I looked up people eating a lot.

Yeah. This would be Zorro. Except Zorro is way cooler. 

See? 

The little dude is a natural Elton John. Except not you know. 

Anyways that's my dog. Little Z. The pig monkey rat.

Little Z says "peace out"

Rub me more!

So today I wanted a back rub. I got one from my lovely sister but that is not enough. What is it about back massages that are just so amazing?? I think I could waste half my life getting rubbed and kneaded like a lump of bread dough. Here are a few things that possibly correlate to back rubs.

The first cause of needing a back rub is, of course, back pain. That lovely aching feeling in the muscles. Why on earth would someone put a butt in a back pain picture? (yes I know that's what you're thinking) I have no idea. So now it's on my blog. Awkward. Just saying.

The cause of back pain is usually sleeping in odd positions. I hope so much that this picture is not posed. I mean can you imagine the sleep power that this took? I have sleeping powers and I am saying this guys deserved a standing ovation! Except that would probably wake him up…and be awkward for him cuz there would be a bunch of people standing in his bathroom. Or maybe he is dead. You know what? Moving on.

The cause of sleeping funny (yes some people do wake up laughing) (yes I just made that pun) is no doubt due to dogs sleeping in-between their legs. I mean really. You know what I'm saying?

After all this it is time for a rub down. David Beckham style….

Or perhaps slow loris style…

Hey one last thing…

All fingers no thumbs!!!

Alright. That completes this blog post. Now go wipe that disgusted face away by watching the slow loris video again.

Are YOU My Mother?

Mothers Day has come and gone, just like all the other holidays do. So what better than to honor some of the mothers in film? Nothing? That's what I thought, so here are the mom awards:

Prize for most self sacrificing:

Bambi's Mom:

When Bambi's Daddy walked out on them to be "Prince of the Forest", his mom was left to raise him all alone. In the end she given her life for him. Yummy.

Prize for Most Beautiful Mom: 

Parent Trap (Maggie McKendrick)

She is so beautiful that she gets her ex-husband to break up with his girl friend that is at least ten years younger than her. I mean ka-chow! Hope I look like that when I'm her age!

Prize For best Mom Lecture:


Mom in Almost Famous ( Elaine Miller):

Can you talk sense into rock stars? Unfortunately there is not a utube video of her epic lecture. Just go watch the movie. It will be good for you and will build character! Just cover yours eyes when I say so.

Prize for Mom Who puts Up with the Most Crap: 


Iron Giant (Annie Hughes)

List of things she puts up with:
-No husband.
-Creepy man from the government renting a room.
-Works in a crapy diner.
-Son who brings squirrel into diner.
-Son who runs away in the woods.
-Son who bring home giant robot.
-Almost getting nuked.

Prize for Most Bad Ass Mom: 


Sara Connor

Nuff said.

Prize for most Immature Mom: 


Padme Amidala

If I had a penny for every time she whines the word "Anaken" I could buy the state of wyoming.


WORST Mom Award: 


Harold's Mother

She created a home life so stuffy and insensitive that her son Harold is constantly faking his death in attempts to get her attention. Even her attempts to find him a girlfriend is a horrible fail. When on of Harold's dates fakes her death her response is, "Harold! That was your last date!" Fortunately, it is amazingly hilarious.
Here is a video for you to experience it for yourself. So so so funny.
Warning: Contains a scene of fake suicide.

Flap Jack Jesus

     This weekend I took my family to a breakfast place in North Hollywood called The Griddle. The Griddle makes pancakes that are so delish that you can't stop eating them. You instantly feel a need to tell everyone you know about them.
     Later in the day, I had quite time with God ( I am a christian). I started thinking about the comparison of pancakes to Jesus. I asked myself, "Why is it that when Jesus tells us to yearn after Him and share His good news we clam up, but the second we taste these pancakes our first instinct is to run through the streets proclaiming their greatness?" I took a second and compared Jesus to Pancakes (Just stick with me here). This were it all became clear.
     Pancakes allow us to use all five senses of the human body. You can smell them, touch them, taste them, see them, and hear them squishing around in the syrup on your plate. They are the perfect example of a completely intoxicating worldly experience. You can't smell, touch, taste, see or hear God, at least in the way the world experiences these things. Pancakes appeal to our worldly selves because there is every reason to believe they are there in front of you, with you, and in you.
     So then I asked myself, "why didn't God choose to send Jesus as a pancake? Wouldn't everyone have been instantly entranced with Him?"
     I came to this conclusion. If Jesus was like a flap jack he would require no courage, trust, humbleness, or any other qualities of inner beauty. Jesus was not sent to earth for us to just look at or touch; He came to change us. That is why He is not a pancake.  A pancake would be easy enough to believe in, but would never be able to change our lives. God offers so much more then just sensory overload. Can a pancake heal you, look after you in the hard times, and offer you a purpose in life?  Didn't think so.

Jelly's best friend

So I have a favorite snack and it is called PEANUT-BUTTER. I decided to honor it with a blog post since it plays such a valuable roll in my life.

I looked up on the internet "things to do with peanut-butter" and found some pretty interesting facts. Humans are either really creative or REALLY bored.

- Use it as soap for shaving.

- Lace it with cyanide and feed it to Barney.

- Drop it from a plane over Africa to feed all the starving children.

- Use it to clog electric plugs so your children don't get electrocuted.

- See how much of it you can flush down a toilet.

- Use to hold earphones in place.

And the winner:

-Use as a projectile and throw it at bank tellers who refuse to except it as cash.

I don't often eat butter, but when I do, I eat peanut-butter. Stay nutty my friends.

Oh my turkey!

Pre-Thanksgiving feast rules:

-No eating lunch.

-No wearing tight pants.

-Avoid white shirts.

- Practice your "shake the food down" dance.

- Most importantly, DO NOT PUT A FROZEN TURKEY IN THE FRYER.

Click here to see what I mean. Trust me, it's epic.